{My Mother}

Hello and Happy Friday!!!

Yesterday I went and did a workout with my mom at Grand Mere State Park!!

She hired a trainer that does outside fitness and well....you know how much I love to workout! I thought...now that's something I could do with her to be supportive!

Truth be told.....

We've had a very strained relationship....
I had a very difficult childhood and I held a lot of anger in my heart towards my mom for that.

I won't get into all the details but I can guarantee you....we would make it on the Jerry Springer show if we shared our story!

Anywho....plus over the years I've really felt that mom just let herself go.....and it really bothered me.
Why should I let it affect me....I don't know....it just did.

We hadn't talked or spent anytime together for years....I sort of went my way and she went hers....
I always just felt like she was a real whack job....sorry just being honest. I just couldn't understand where she was coming from with her life choices.
but I never asked either.

Recently...my girlfriends and I were chatting about our mothers and they were saying how much they like my mom.....I couldn't believe it...I was like...."really??" So...they coaxed me into inviting her over to a few gatherings and we all chatted.

As we were all talking......so many feelings were just welling up inside of me...anger...resentment...sadness...confusion.....and I just thought to myself...it's now or never....
I just have to get some of the questions answered...I just have to understand where she's coming from.

So with my girlfriends acting as therapists...we went back and forth...

And as tears rolled down my mothers face and I sat there and listened to her life story....I just couldn't believe my ears....how much pain she has endured in her life....every decision she made that angered me...made perfect sense...

Here sitting before me was the most beautiful woman ...with a spirit and a soul that would surpass most people i'd ever known. I never knew.

I realized that as a woman myself...no longer a child...I could move past the hurt and anger and really open my heart and be a true friend to my mother.
I realized that all she's ever wanted out of life was to be loved...truly loved...
Deep down...isn't that all we ever really want out of life......
We want people to love us:)

So as of late....I've made a real effort to open my heart...to let go....and to be a real friend to my mother.
She doesn't have girlfriends....
and so instead of feeling embarrassed of her...mad at her or just not understanding her...
I decided to just open my heart up and see what happens!

All we can do is go up from here.

I realize that she is a survivor.
And all of her qualities that drive me insane....are in me too.

She has recently embarked on a weight loss journey and when she told me about her personal trainer...I thought...well I could do that! I love...love...love fitness and working out!
I could be someone who could really support her in this journey!

And so I went to one of her sessions:)
Open heart and all.

I realized that her trainer liked her...laughed at her ....and truly enjoyed her...
I thought to myself....what have I been missing out on.

I realized I could be her biggest supporter.
Instead of holding my own feelings of negativity inside...
I could set them free and just be there for someone else.

And when we're out and about and people make fun of her because she's a large lady pounding down the french fries...I can get out of my seat...walk over and punch them in the face...(no not really).
But I won't spend my days feeling embarrassed or not understanding anymore...
I will realize that everyone is fighting their own battle....and I can love her just as she is:)
Plus...i've been known to pound down the french fries when i'm feeling depressed.....i'm not perfect....no one is.

She has lost 40lbs already...by the way!

I now choose to be my mom's supporter...cheerleader...friend.
I know our relationship may never be perfect....we aren't perfect.
But at least we are starting to have one again:)

Anywho....it was a fabulous time!! We laughed and got our sweat on .....and I just felt really, really proud of my mom!

If you're in the area.....
check out Nature's Fitness!!
It's awesome!! How can you go wrong gettin' your sweat on in nature!

Thanks for letting me share a feeling! I really do believe we all have so much to learn from one another:)
Have a fabulous Friday!

Follow the path of the unsafe, independent thinker. Expose your ideas to the dangers of controversy. Speak your mind and fear less the label of 'crackpot' than the stigma of conformity. And on issues that seem important to you, stand up and be counted at any cost.
~Thomas J. Watson